Skunked

I think it was Mark Twain who made the snappy comment about how unfriendly Nature is. I agree. I really like the idea of Nature, but actual contact with Nature is often disappointing, uncomfortable, dirty and even painful.

Not that long ago, we had a skunk frequenting our back porch. I think it started showing up during the summer when I routinely stowed the garden largess on the porch swing while I cleared space in the kitchen to process it. The skunk wasn't alone, mind you. There were some raccoons and even a nasty little opossum that showed up to share in the bounty. Even after we wised up and started putting it in the basement, they still checked back on a regular basis.

One night, Mark and I were out there on the swing, with the porch light off, talking and watching the fireflies. I saw something light-colored and fluffy over by the picnic table. It looked like a Pomeranian. I pointed it out to Mark, just as it started towards us. As it came across the the sidewalk, I realized that it was actually our frequent flier skunk, with a very large, fluffy white tail. I was absolutely ready to bolt for the house, but Mark stayed where he was. And the skunk ambled past the steps and farther up the yard.

That skunk - or one of his friends - came back again and again. It got to the point that I was gathering the kids in at dusk because I didn't want to risk an...uhm, encounter. Pretty sure it was the same skunk that trapped the neighbor girl on the roof of her playhouse one evening around dinner time. We could see her, and we could see the skunk, and she could see the skunk, but she couldn't see to get down. You see, our yard wasn't the only checkpoint on Skunk Route.

On another evening, I sent Lucy with a plate of scraps to take to the composter. As she stepped out the door, the skunk walked up to her and she froze. It walked around her, sniffing. She came right back in the house, shut the door, and breathlessly reported the Skunk sighting. She also said that it's fur was very soft. I was horrified - thinking that she had petted it on purpose - but she clarified that it had touched her legs with its tail.

This skunk once visited my poor mom, who was on her way out as she left our house for hers. She came right back up the walk and stayed put until Mark could escort her safely to her car. Obviously not a shy skunk. Friend of Pepe Le Pew maybe?

Some time later, we noticed a flattened skunk - a moment of silence, please - on the street by our house. I thought perhaps our Friendly Skunk had met an untimely (but not inconvenient) end. We will never be sure. We still smell skunk fairly regularly, though sightings have dropped off completely. But I'm scarred for life. I will never again walk out on my porch after dark without looking around carefully.

And in the dead of winter...Stinky strikes again. I walk out the door by 6:20 every morning for Seminary. The past few weeks, I've walked out the door - more than once! - into Eau d'Skunk. Not exactly the Spirit I prayed to have with me during the day. I have yet to actually panic. But I can't stop visualizing myself being chased up the icy walk - in my high heels and skirt - by a friendly, lonely skunk!