Me neither. And yet, Friday night, she and her daddy and I sat down and hammered out the ages and stages for "Girl Privileges". Here's how it came down: - Age 12 – Baby sit for others for pay, Girls Camp, Mutual activities
- Age 13 – painting finger nails, facebook profile
- Age 14 – make-up, Seminary, Stake Activities, Dances
- Age 15 – high heels and hose
- Age 16 – group dating, driving, full-time job
- Age 17 - perfume
- Age 18 – 1-0n-1 dating
- shaving leg – when needed
- jewelry – when she can pay for it herself
- pierced ears – to be determined
My six sisters and I had a similarly charted young womanhood; although, I can't really remember all the specifics off the top of my head. But my sweet husband comes from a totally different world. We tease each other that he grew up in "Bonanza" while I grew up in "Little Women". So, Mark has not a lot of reference points on this little-girl-is-on-the-cusp-of-growing-up business.
But he has a LOT of definite opinions about the process. If it were left up to him, our daughters would never wear make-up, jewelry, high heels, paint their nails, or leave this house in the company of a boy until they're 30. The pierced ears thing is "to be determined" because he refused to budge on that. He fiercely apposes it, and quotes Isaiah and gets all animated. I quoted Gordon B. Hinckley back to him, and tried not to get animated, because I try not to argue with him in front of the kids. So, we shelved that part of the discussion. I think that when the girls are closer (or already there), they can argue the case for themselves. I've got their back.
In his defense, I don't think the idea has really sunk in, his sweet little baby girls getting all pimply and insecure and boy-crazy. But this couldn't wait for him to wrap his brain around it. We need a plan, and we need something to point to when those sweet baby girls wail, "But I wanna...!" Gabba is aging out of Little Girl faster and faster. All of her contemporaries in the neighborhood and at Church are much farther into the look-at-me-I'm-a-girl mode than we have allowed.
This is not an accident. I firmly believe that some things, like nail polish, make-up and pierced ears - as fun as they are - are part of getting noticed, and in the long run, attracting a mate. I think the world we live in forces girls to grow up too fast. It all comes crashing down soon enough. So I've intentionally placed those privileges solidly in the realm of "when you're a teenager like Aunt Sarah". Not everyone agrees with me. I have sisters and sisters-in-law who are doing it totally different. And that's cool. I'm not judging here.
And so it comes! Girl Privs and all that they imply. I think it's going to be fun. Bring it on.
5 comments:
It is fun. But in this fast-paced/grow-up quick world, you're very wise to keep a lid on it as long as you can. I love that Mama 'gets' the girl stuff and Dad is all protective. It's a great combination.
I think that is just great!! We all have different ways of bringing up our girls...and that works for me!!
We love your girlies...:)
this is a great list. i need to nail something like this down. we already allow nail polish - i just think of it as little-girly fun. but the ears pierced thing is a hotspot here, too. we haven't quite figured that one out...
Coming from a family of 4 girls growing up I know all about drama. It is great that there are boundaries. About the ear piercing..everyone thought we should pierce Makeila's ears as a baby and Tim and I were against it because it wasn't our body..we wanted Makeila to make that her choice and not ours. So we had said 12 but then we rethought it and said if she came to us begging we would discuss it. After discussing it we let her get her ears pierced at age 8. We figured if she was old enough to make the choice of baptism then maybe she should be able to get her ears pierced. That was our thought on it. I begged my parents forever and managed to get mine done at age 3. Because of me I was able to convince my dad to let my mom,me and two older sisters go all at once to get it done. I never did regret doing it at a young age but my parents never did back down on two piercings. One was all we got.I have set the same rule for Makeila. I think she is old enough to take them out and clean them and what not so I think waiting until she was 8 was a good age for us. 12 sounds better though.
I think this is great – and I like that you’re going to be flexible with “shaving the legs/prn”. I remember my parents said that I needed to be 12 to start shaving, but I turned into Godzilla woman (hairy legs) the summer after my 11th birthday. I was embarrassed and devastated and I never wanted to wear shorts. My parents finally said, go shave and I was so relieved! Enough about all that, I just think the guidelines are great. We’ll probably set up guidelines for our girls too at some point.
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